How long should women wait to have sex in a new relationship?


3 years ago

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It appears we’ve been thrusted back into the 18th century in light of a new Netflix series that speaks to an era where a woman’s worth relates back to her marital status and most importantly her virtue.

In the Shonda Rhimes production Bridgerton, the storyline focuses on a young woman who’s been groomed her entire life for the sole purpose of marriage and breeding children.

In the sexy, sly Georgian drama, it’s even unbecoming for women to know the intimate details of the sensual occurrences that take place between a man and a woman. Until properly wed to her suitor, a lady was quite literally left in the dark on such activities thus creating the concept of the waiting game.

Fast forward to the 21st century, where women are sexual beings with the freedom to explore their sexuality ideally with the absence of shame or judgment…ideally. In reality, there are a few courtship commandments that have managed to still prevail even in our current time. One of them involving waiting an appropriate period of time before engaging in erotic activities with the opposite sex—but what really classifies as “appropriate” in this scenario and who gets the honour of deeming that exact moment as so?

We’re more than aware of the stigmas attached to this topic— if you sleep with someone too soon, you lack self-respect and shan’t be taken seriously. If you wait for a period of time, he’ll lose interest and move on to another. Lest we forget the famous phrase clearly coined by a man in an attempt to condemn those who choose to play the long game:

“Whether you wait three days or three months, nothing will stop a man from leaving you”;

Of course, the foundation of that is based upon using the act of sex to keep a man. When it’s common knowledge that nothing keeps a man other than his own desire to be kept. So in this day and age, what’s incentivizing us to attach a waiting period before getting intimate with someone?

Let’s bury the archaic trends and negative connotations, have a memorial service and toast to breathing life into a new era. One where decisions regarding intimacy are based upon the needs and wants of the two people involved and not the views of a critical society. As grown folks, a conversation around that topic shouldn’t be difficult either and if you’re shying away from having such discussion then you’re not remotely mature enough to handle an intimate relationship. If we are truly to have worthwhile, fulfilling and honest connections…then what’s the point in attaching a rule destined to diminish a woman’s value? A little food for thought the next time you ask yourself “When is the right time?”.